Me

I have had a year full of many blessings. Blessings you all know well of. A fiancée who loves and adores me, and I him. A man I feel so blessed to be able to marry, live my life with, and raise a family with. A new Godson, who has blessed all of our lives. A job that continues to challenge me and make me grow as a teacher. Family that is always honest and loving, even when I wish they weren’t. Friends that are there for me. Yet I feel like I have been going through an internal struggle at the same time. I know that God has blessed me beyond my wildest dreams…but He hasn’t exactly made it easy…it’s not the smooth and easy path I thought it would be when I dreamt of my wedding as a high schooler (then thinking it would only be a few years away…not it is 10…but who’s counting?) I am confident in my decision, just like I am usually confident in myself and the decisions I make, because I don’t make them without much thought and prayer. Yet I do second guess myself, but it’s not my prayers or thoughts that make me second guess myself it’s my worry of what other are thinking. I don’t like to go to the gym because I am afraid someone is watching me and judging how I work out. I don’t like to go out with girls that have fashion sense because I am afraid they are judging my sales rack attempt at cute clothes. I don’t share stories and jokes sometimes because I am afraid people with think I am strange. I am afraid to let others read my papers for national boards because they will think I am a terrible writer. So you can imagine the anxiety attacks I had when I decided to go ahead with my marriage to Mike without the Church’s blessing…Oh what will people think? What would all of you think, my friends (I still haven’t gotten the courage to call Kevin), perfect strangers who are Catholic and don’t even know me…there opinion even mattered. But what I have learned through it all is that I have to stop letting what I think others are thinking dictate my life. My life which is full of so much love. I have never had these issues with Mike (I did try to hide my stomach issues at first…but hello that’s gross!) I have never worried what he thought of me, because well…he always thinks the best of me, and if not he tells me so. There is no guessing or wondering . And I know so many others do to, including all of you. So thanks to the blessing of having Mike in my life, and God challenging me in new ways I am continuing to grow and work on being a better self…which in turn I hope will make me a better wife, sister, and friend.
It is good to reflect..thanks mom…
(sorry for any typos..I didn't edit...if I did I would probably take stuff out that I shouldn't)